Chain restaurant bullshit

Since I have done a fair share of business travel, I would like to think that I have grown immune to the bullshit dining experience of chain restaurants. However the bullshit I put up with at Chili's tonight has changed my mind.

To start off, you seated me right next to the loudest ignorant fuckheads in the joint. Is their life so empty that all you can think of to discuss over dinner is imbecilic rants about Obama? These 2 douches made Hannity's rants seem pulitzer worthy.

Now, what self-respecting establishment gives you a plain icewater? Are you so cheap that you can't put a lemon wedge or cucumber slice in it? And when I tell you I want a couple minutes to look at the menu, I do not mean that literally. Give me at least 5 minutes for christ's sake. If you walk by and I still have my nose in the menu, it probably means I am still deciding, so, no I am not ready to order. When I am ready to order I will put the menu down.

Why does it always say "mixed vegetables" as a side dish? It is always broccoli with carrots. Why is a dining establishment unable to offer a choice of vegetables? Just bland microwaved fucking broccoli. I ask you if I can get it blanched and you look at me like I asked to rape your kids. I guess the microwave doesn't have that button.

When I order an appetizer, I want to eat it first, before you bring out my main course. That is why it is called a fucking appetizer. I don't want you bringing out my steak before I took two bites from the appetizer.

As if you want to intentionally frustrate me, when you bring out my steak while I am just starting my appetizer, you stand there like a dunce and wait for me to shift my plates around and make room for you to set my main dish down. Now my table looks like a fucking buffet and eating has become a fucking juggling act.

Now that you have brought me my main dish early, it is logistically impossible to eat everything before it gets cold. Naturally I will opt to eat my steak while it is still warm, so my remaining appetizer will have to be eaten cold along with the microwaved broccoli and betty crocker instant mashed potatoes.

Most incensing of all, don't fucking pester me when I have a mouthful of fucking food that I am fucking chewing. The first time can be forgiven. You ask if everything is ok and i shake my head 'yes' and continue chewing and then turn my head back to my meal. This is your cue to GTFO. Why must you be a fucking pest and ask me 3 more questions?